Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
