yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
