I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
foreskin is a definite game changer
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
