zippers are such a cool invention
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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