If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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