I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
