I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
