it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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