I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
