How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Please, let me fuck your mom
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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