I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
