Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
