new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
