just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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