just come out here and I will go home with you...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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