youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
