he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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