Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
