Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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