she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
