Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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