just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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