I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
