I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
