can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
