What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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