we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
