At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
