Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
