i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
