You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Send help, water and tortillas.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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