Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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