so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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