who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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