He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
