whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
