so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
