I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
