My friends, they love my intelligence
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
