I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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