i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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