I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
