If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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