just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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