dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
