How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
