i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
