Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
