Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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