I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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